WHAT HAS HELPED ME AS A CARER

Many years ago I learned that being positive works. My glass really was always half full and I rarely failed to see very positive outcomes from even the most traumatic of happenings.

From working in a challenging environment I learned :-
‘ If your body / mind seems always in fight / flight mode, CONSIDER …. if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always got ….. no change, no improvement ‘.

So, given that our brain, nervous system, balance & emotions interact / effect hormones and immune systems, how can we help ourselves ?

I know that to be happy we need to have balance between mind & body, physical and emotional well-being, leading to completeness and the right messages being sent from our brain to our different organs.

In other words, we must believe in ourselves first, with spirit and passion but everything comes with a RISK

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out for another is to risk involvement
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To tell your ideas, your dreams to others is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return
To live is to risk dying
To hope is to risk despair
To try is to risk failure

But I believe that risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing :-

They may avoid suffering and sorrow but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained in by their beliefs, they are but slaves, they have forfeited their freedom
Only a person who risks is free …………………………

Like most, I’ve always known that the comfort zone is the most desirable place to be but, in settling for comfort, there is a price to pay and it comes in the death of ambition, of hope, of youth and the death of self….. BUT SOME OF US WOULD SETTLE FOR THE COMFORT ZONE !

SO, IF WE DON’T WANT STAGNATION BUT WE DO WANT A SHIFT FROM HELPLESSNESS, FROM FEELING A VICTIM, what do we do ?

Taking control is being at cause not being at effect. Challenge your mind set & CONSIDER :-

I can’t change the past but I can change tomorrow
Every obstacle is an opportunity
I am responsible for my choices. I have decided my limitations beyond which I am not prepared to go.

TIPS

Ask for help / accept help

Learn from your mistakes instead of just feeling bad about them

Say ‘no’

Don’t just think about what you want, take positive steps towards getting it BUT REMEMBER it can come with risks, can be dangerous and can mean huge CHANGE

Track your triumphs of a life well worth living, celebrate them … tell somebody. Make your own life book of precious times.

Recognise your own emotional triggers …Anger, Fear, Guilt, Jealousy, Boredom, Frustration, Stress, Anxiety, Excitement.

Think alternative :-
If angry, pound a pillow,consult another carer or an organisation with power to help.
If bored, write a ‘feel good’ list and next time pick from it.
If you’ve time, share your experiences for the good of others by volunteering, joining a Support Group or talking to the media.

REMEMBER…. and this is difficult to get our heads around when things are tough

1. It is not always events or people in themselves that make you feel stressed or frustrated, it is the way you interpret the event or other people’s actions. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO INTERPRET THEM DIFFERENTLY. We nearly always manage to remember that someone living with dementia doesn’t choose to hurt, exhaust or drain our batteries. We love them or we wouldn’t be caring for them. We are not the target for their frustration or forgetfulness…... just the recipient because we are closest.

2. You only need enough, any more is superfluous and unappreciated.

Learn to CLEAR OUT FOR A NEW TOMORROW by saying :-

I have transferable skills

I have strengths to build on… and weaknesses to overcome but I CAN DO THIS.

Repeat to yourself ‘ It is the event and my reaction or response to it that is the outcome ‘. ‘ I can create different results or outcomes if I stop taking things personally,

Those are the beliefs I called upon for support when I became a ‘carer’, although of course, if you’ve brought up a family it is hard to see where caring really started. BUT in this context I am talking about caring for someone with a diagnosis of dementia …. an entirely different set of challenges from handling sleepless nights due to teething through to teenage rebellion and the heady days of becoming Grand-parents.

Hope this helps. If so, email me on June@jacsplace.co.uk.